Many years ago, I had the pleasure of buying my first house. Nothing fancy. A starter home. But, for me, it was a mansion. I never expected to live in my own home. With my own basketball goal. With my own yard. I was young and excited about playing "grown up".

Ooohhh…the yard. I never thought I'd be so excited to cut grass. But, I was because it was MY grass. And I knew just enough about yards to be dangerous.

After assessing my new yard with my neophyte knowledge, I determined that I needed to get some seed to fill in some patches. $100 dollars later with a trunk full of seed and gardening tools, I set out on a mission. I worked. I sowed.

I. Was. Exhausted. But the seeds were planted. And so I was proud. It was the next morning when I got a major reality check.

I ran to the window like a little kid running at the whimsical sound of the neighborhood ice cream truck. I switched open my blinds and stared in excitement.

Guess what I saw? Nothing. It looked exactly like it did the day before..

In the background I heard my newlywed husband chuckling beyond control. “Kelly, you are not going to see it grow overnight. It takes time."

In his chuckles and in my innocent embarrassment of my unrealistic expectations, the profoundness of his statement settled in.

“You are not going to see it grow overnight. It takes time."

We live in a fast-paced society. Quick fixes. Immediate expectations. But it was there standing in my living room in my pajamas that I realized the error of my thinking.

Everything that is good and lasting in our lives needs time to take root. Roots that are firmly planted and nurtured. A daily process of watering to promote growth. A process of becoming a new thing.  

Fruit can’t be fruit without root.  We cannot sow and harvest at the same time. It is a process. And we can't skip the steps. And we can’t rush them.

What are you sowing in your life? Some of us are not sure what to plant or where to plant it. If that is you, I offer you a leadership principle from Stephen Covey - “Begin with the End in Mind".  

So, what fruit do you envision in your life? Now, work backwards. What do you need to sow that fruit? What do you need in order for it to take root in your life?

Once you have clarity on your end game, it is equally as challenging to be patient with yourself as you cultivate from root to fruit.  It is a process. You are a process. You are becoming your best self. 

​© 2016 by Dr. Kelly Graves. All rights reserved.

​Let’s face it, we live in a society where grief is only tolerated for a short period of time. People are expected to pull up their bootstraps and move on. When someone we care about is hurting, we often want to fix it for them by offering advice or telling them it is not as bad as it seems or we want them to quickly feel better because we are feeling uncomfortable. I mean it is really difficult to see people we love feeling sad and hurt. We want to do something to help ease the pain. This is an honest reaction, but this reaction has more to do with our own uncomfortable feelings rather than the person in front of us who is hurting. 

Can you remember a time when you were struggling with something where you may have been grieving, felt lonely or frightened and in your vulnerability you shared your feelings with someone who just seemed to let you express your feelings without expectations or without providing you with all the answers? 

They just listened. 
And you could just be. 
And you felt safe with them in your vulnerability. 

If you can recall such a moment in time, then you were more than likely given the gift of holding space.

How can we learn to hold space? Well, in a world where we are used to instant gratification and providing answers to problems it can be a bit challenging. However, you only need to have “twenty seconds of insane courage” to recognize your initial reactions to someone else’s pain and do nothing more than take a deep breath and sit and listen with your heart open. It is in the nothingness where holding space begins.

It is putting your wants and needs aside for a time. It is really looking at the person and recognizing their strength. Holding space for someone means you are providing them with a nourishing, non-judging, non-fixing mindset. You are nurturing growth and healing and offering trust that they are capable of overcoming their challenges. It is sitting and staying a bit with no expectations of the outcome. It is a powerful gift you can offer those who trust you enough to share their pain.